Losing Integrity

Into the noticeably detached otherness
Of hitherto well-cherished relationships,
We breathe in and breathe out remembrance.
Frantically groping, catching
At sand slipping out of our useless fingers.

Sometimes, we all have to live to watch
Watch love as we knew it, fade away
Watch bitterness replace remembrance.

Self-awareness is such a bitch,
It makes you watch your cruelties.
It makes you want to die,
End yourself before
The inevitable execution of certain deeds.
It captures your video, as you hit the ground
And break to pieces, at the bottom of your mind.
It shows you the end,
The sordid unhappiness of the long wrong road
The only road ahead.

It makes you question your integrity –
The only treasure you (think you) own.

It eliminates alternate possibilities,
Decreases probability of probabilities.
It slowly seals the crevices of light
That once lead the way to your dreams.
It makes you see what you want,
And then shows you what you’ll get.


‘No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
You might find
You get what you need…’ *

April 18, 2010.

* The Rolling Stones